Sometimes it seems the heart and mind aren't always in agreement ... even when you strive for it to be. An internal struggle.
This past week has been full to say the least. We've had school, baseball (2 practices and 2 games), ballet, piano lesson (Pie just started), guitar, a report on Houdini. And that's just the kiddo activities. The week rounded out with three nights of dinner with friends and family, a family birthday party, dental appointment and an 11 mile run. We truly spent the week being surrounded by family and friends. All good and what true blessings they all are in our lives.
However, I have felt an internal struggle going on. It started one morning last week when I was reading my Bible. "Do not judge." Simple statement. Profound statement. One that stuck with me. Because come to find out I am an expert judger! Not proud of it but something I find to be all to true. My heart is filled with love .... that's an easy statement to make. But my mind, my thoughts, can easily get away from me.
Judging ... for me, it stems from feeling I am being judged. Not even sure if I am or not but I am quick to defend and judge right back.
Most of those feelings come from the way we are raising our kiddos and the contrast with the way others that are close to us are raising theirs. In certain company I feel I am very conservative with my parenting style, choices for my children etc. And in other company, I feel like the liberal one. It's the questions like what's best for my children? Schooling? Friends? What they can see and listen to, and what they can't?
Who's right? who's wrong?
Nobody I presume. It's a matter of the heart and doing what's best for my children, despite what others in my life do with theirs.
At moments, easier said then done.
My heart knows the truth, yet my mind goes sometimes goes crazy. The thoughts that swirl, the comparisons, the questioning of myself, right down to turning it into judging others.
My battle ...
This past week has been full to say the least. We've had school, baseball (2 practices and 2 games), ballet, piano lesson (Pie just started), guitar, a report on Houdini. And that's just the kiddo activities. The week rounded out with three nights of dinner with friends and family, a family birthday party, dental appointment and an 11 mile run. We truly spent the week being surrounded by family and friends. All good and what true blessings they all are in our lives.
However, I have felt an internal struggle going on. It started one morning last week when I was reading my Bible. "Do not judge." Simple statement. Profound statement. One that stuck with me. Because come to find out I am an expert judger! Not proud of it but something I find to be all to true. My heart is filled with love .... that's an easy statement to make. But my mind, my thoughts, can easily get away from me.
Judging ... for me, it stems from feeling I am being judged. Not even sure if I am or not but I am quick to defend and judge right back.
Most of those feelings come from the way we are raising our kiddos and the contrast with the way others that are close to us are raising theirs. In certain company I feel I am very conservative with my parenting style, choices for my children etc. And in other company, I feel like the liberal one. It's the questions like what's best for my children? Schooling? Friends? What they can see and listen to, and what they can't?
Who's right? who's wrong?
Nobody I presume. It's a matter of the heart and doing what's best for my children, despite what others in my life do with theirs.
At moments, easier said then done.
My heart knows the truth, yet my mind goes sometimes goes crazy. The thoughts that swirl, the comparisons, the questioning of myself, right down to turning it into judging others.
My battle ...
I look at my kiddos. I know the way we have raised Bub so far and what we are doing with Pie.
I know their hearts.
I love their hearts.
I know the way we have raised them. The morals, the characteristics, right from wrong as we see it. And as he grows its awesome to watch him use those tools, those life skills, and make some of his own decisions. Makes me feel like he's doing a good job.
Also makes my heart a little sad ... he's doing such a good job - independent, confident - that he doesn't need me as much as he use to. I love our relationship. But I also have moments of longing for times past. Holding him, reading "Guess How Much I Love You" to him, our endless hours of Super Heroes, racing Hot Wheels down the hallway. Perfect memories ...
Oh , the joys of parenting ... questioning ourselves, comparing ourselves, thrilled to see the people our kiddos are becoming, missing the babies they were.
I certainly don't have the answers but I know I don't want to miss out on a single moment of it!
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